Peace, Joy, & Love

It’s rather simple, the things I strive for. I tend to complicate things too much. I’m in a season of stripping down, simplifying, decluttering. Not just my home and my life but most importantly my mind, body and soul. There is too much unnecessary baggage weighing me down – in the form of weight, guilt, sorrow, envy, fear, anxiety, depression, loneliness, unworthiness, and intensely deep pain. Healing is slow but I keep moving forward. And in order to do so properly, I must smash through some barriers and walls. I must go back to the raw basics.

Consumption is not healing. It is a temporary soothing balm. It was my way of coping and feeling any semblance of joy in a dark period of life. In a world of social media, especially Instagram, I tend to feed the envy, feeling the lack of things in my life, feeling as though I need or the desire and excitement of wanting what the influencers are sharing on their “swipe ups” and feeling this wildly gross sense of sadness and exclusion if I am unable to get what they are telling me I need to be like them and have what they have. My mind knows this is irrational and irresponsible and my heart truly is grateful for the things I do have and am able to get. I feel this mind training is going to be rough but it will be worth it because I am feeling the weight of all the stuff and I really don’t want to feel like this anymore. Physically, mentally, emotionally.

They say your surroundings have an effect on you and it is true. While I am no where even remotely close to hoarder status, I am very aware of the sense of chaos I am actively and consistently creating and feeling and when I look around me. And inside my soul. It is time for action and change. Past time. I need help and December will be a new beginning for me. This is what I aim to accomplish and experience as a natural way of living … incessant peace, joy, & love.