Daddy’s Little Girl

My biological father left mom when she was pregnant with me only to move on and stay with and marry the other girl he had pregnant at the same time. My half-brother is only three months younger than me. Growing up, I had a normal relationship with my stepfather but a nonexistent relationship with my bio dad. Normal quickly changed to very very strained and eventually abusive. At the age of thirteen, my world as I knew it flipped out on me and it became the starting point of a series of traumatic events. This is truly where my sorrowful story begins.

Let’s skip through all the mud and sprint to the finish line, shall we?  Why? Well, it is simple. I am healing. I will never be able to define the meaning of a real father because I did not experience it. I  This day still brings a lot of pain to my heart because I will forever be that little girl that longs for a real daddy/daughter relationship and will always wonder what it is like to be daddy’s little girl. Songs about fathers hurt my heart. Hearing about how great other women have it with special dads still hurts. And while I don’t have what they all do, I am choosing to focus on the most important dad in my life right now and that is my amazing husband.

I told him that the most important and greatest gift he could ever give me was to be the kind of dad to our daughters that I never had and always longed for my entire life.  And he hasn’t let me down.  He shares great bonds with all three of our daughters and he goes above and beyond to provide for them in every way possible. We are truly blessed to have this man in our lives. I am so proud to call him my husband.

For years, this day would hurt more than any other day of the year. But I am different now. I have grown so much and have been able to let go of a lot of hurt especially related to being a fatherless child. As stated above, I will always feel the hurt but the way I choose to react to it has changed drastically.

Man is born broken. He lives by mending. The grace of God is glue.
– Eugene O’Neill

I choose to be very grateful for the good years that I had with my stepdad before it all changed for us. I choose to embrace the beauty of the relationship my husband has with our girls.  I choose to know that my biological father has missed out on having his wonderful daughter in his life therefore missing out on having his wonderful granddaughters in his life too. I am sure this day might bring him a little hurt too. But he chose that, not me. I only hope that somehow he knows that I love him in spite of the pain he has caused me in the past. I do not live in the past any longer. I have no idea what the future holds for me either. I choose today. I choose to celebrate the beautiful life that is mine because choosing beauty means that I am healing. Choosing beauty means that I no longer give power to the past pain. Sure, it has shaped my life but it no longer controls it.

Thank you Jesus for showing me that I am loved regardless of my past abandonment. I have spent many prayerful moments asking over and over again why I had to be the little girl lost and to please let my father want to be my daddy or for my stepfather to embrace me like he does my sister. Oh how I have prayed to be daddy’s little girl. And He showed me that that He is the greatest definition of a Father and He has never abandoned me.

Isa 41:10: So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.

Thank you for showing me that as long as I have you, I have the greatest Father a girl could ever dream of having. And for that, I am blessed.