… shape of an “L” on her forehead.
As we go through life, most of us search to find a place where we can fit in and belong. Naturally, we think and hope that our extended family will always be a place of open arms and acceptance. Unfortunately, for some people, that is not the case. I tend to wear the shape of an “L” on my forehead.
You can try your best to belong but you already wear the label of “black sheep” so that automatically makes you an outcast. In your efforts to feel loved, wanted and included by your family or friends, your heart either expands or it crumbles.
Mine finds itself crumbling still. I will never fit in with my family or some circle of “friends”. I keep getting confirmation after confirmation of that fact. Sure, people hide behind false praises and what not, giving you validation in a rare moment, but honestly, you are not on their radar to extend an invitation to when doing special things together.
I watch cousins make plans together and do fun things. I watch aunts and uncles get together with their other nieces and nephews and buying them gifts and giving them their time. Friends that say they care about you and that you mean so much to them but rarely extend so much as a “hello. how are you?” I sit back and watch it all. I used to cry. I used to get so angry. I still do actually but not as much. Now, I just smile and thank God that I am validated in my choice to cut some ties and remain in my own little bubble. I don’t want it or need it. Even if it is family. Because you know, they don’t go out of their way to make sure I am included. And that is fine. Really, it is. I don’t need part time family or friends. I give as much of myself as I can with all those I have relationships with and if I cannot be granted the same respect, love and level of togetherness, then I just don’t want that fair weather friend/family member in my life on a daily basis.
Sure, I will always have love for them. But I will continue to choose to stay right on the outside of their circle. I am at my happiest there anyway.
Find people who lift you up, not tear you down. Find people that genuinely care about you and make an effort to include you in their lives. Find people who treat you the way you treat them. Life is too short to waste it on those who have no time for you in the first place.
It is ok to move on. Family or not. Friends or not. It is ok to take care of yourself.
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