Young Girl, Don’t Cry

The lyrics below are to Christina Aguilera’s song “The Voice Within.”  This song became a personal anthem for me years ago and still resonates deep inside of me, a part that very few will ever see.  I identify so much of myself with the message in this song. As I listen, I crawl inside the lyrics and let it fill me up as I drink deeply the words. What a powerful message, no?

Young girl, don’t cry
I’ll be right here when your world starts to fall – Ooh
Young girl, it’s alright
Your tears will dry, you’ll soon be free to fly -Ooh

When you’re safe inside your room, you tend to dream
Of a place where nothing’s harder than it seems
No one ever wants or bothers to explain
Of the heartache life can bring and what it means

When there’s no one else, look inside yourself
Like your oldest friend, just trust the voice within
Then you’ll find the strength that will guide your way
You’ll learn to begin to trust the voice within
Yea – Oh

Young girl, don’t hide
You’ll never change if you just run away
Ooh, woh yeah
Young girl, just hold tight
Soon you’re gonna see your brighter day

For many years, I lay covered in my own guilt, shame and my self-esteem couldn’t get any lower if it tried. And believe me, it tried very hard. I would let the negative tape play over and over and over again until I truly believed that I was not worth it, a failure, not good enough, and would never amount to anything. I was worthless. Do you hear me? I said I was worthless!

Being a child of God, I leaned heavily on my faith for many years until it was shaken with each and every traumatic event that occurred in my life between the ages of 12 & 38. With each new assault on my spirit, the core of my being, the message of brutal truth that I was worthless stuck. It embedded its poison deep within and stayed there. I wavered in my faith and pulled away from my biggest hope in life. I prayed continuously for answers to release me from all the pain that I was burdened with for most of my life. I wanted to break free from all that was binding me to toxic people, thoughts, beliefs, ideas and situations. And it seemed the harder I prayed, the further I was from where I ultimately wanted to be. I was suffocating the woman that was created in ideal grace. I was cutting open the skin and spilling open in crazy pain. I was self-sabotaging any glimmer of joy that I was blessed with because I was worthless. I didn’t deserve joy.

I ate myself into morbid obesity and now I am confined to it like a murderer is confined to death row. Morbid obesity is my death sentence. I tried so much to lose weight and always failed because, guess what? That is what I did best, fail. People would tell me that I had to want it bad enough to make a change and I was like, “Are you seriously telling me that I don’t want it bad enough?  Well, F you!”  I would not wish this one my worst enemy let alone hinder my own quality of life with this fat suit!! I could not want anything more than to be healthy and out from under the label of morbidly obese. I will be exonerated. I will survive.

Fast forward to April 2012. When I gave birth to my authentic self. I began working with an amazing life coach (my beautiful ray of light) and I pushed through days and days of emotional pain to peel layers of negativity off and there I stood. Naked. Vulnerable. Uncertain. Scared. EXCITED!!  My life was about to change and I had no idea it was going to be completely amazing.  A gift from my God with a little note attached that read,

“My Dear Child, You ARE worth it. Believe it. Own it. Live it. Share it.” 

                                       Image courtesy of “The Daily Travel Pic”              

I am a work in progress, seeking rays of light, trusting the voice within and…

This is my beautiful life… A Vita Bella. I’d love for you to share in my journey. And if you are struggling, please hear my message… soon you’re gonna see your brighter day. You will be enveloped by incandescent rays of light. Just believe. Grant yourself the power to live a life you deserve. You are worth so much. You are beautiful. Your life is beautiful.

Live life inspired and with joy, hope & faith.

OX,
Tricia (aka Bella)